Badenov's are movin' on out

Today we said ‘dasvidanya’ to Russia. Immigration and border crossing into Belarus took about half an hour. US & UK passport holders grumbled at having had to cough up $162 USD per person in cash for a Belarus visa when all others entering only had to pay $63. The Belarusian government, obviously, does not like us. 

Border Check

Belarus is a transit country. The only reason we come to Vitebsk is that it is the most direct route crossing to Lithuania. Vitebsk, a throwback to the Soviet era, is all gray block Soviet-style architecture, a suspicious attitude toward foreigners and Soviet-like restrictions:  No! Do not! Prohibited! Halt! Forbidden! Not allowed! Warning!  And NOTHING is up to Western standards. 

 

Soviet truck

Vitebsk’s only claim to fame is the painter Marc Chagall. This afternoon we toured Marc Chagall’s childhood home with a dour matron guide and her sidekick English interpreter. It was like watching tennis (guide-interpreter-guide-interpreter…) The local parks and squares are filled with either bronze monuments of Marc Chagall or war memorials. 25% of the population of Belarus was killed in WWII.

Marc Chagall sculpture

 

"That's not smoke coming out of my ears." (Marc Chagall)

For dinner we went to a restaurant where we were greeted by a young girl see-sawing (eeeee-eeee-eeeee-eeeee) on her violin and by waiters with trays of vodka and champagne. 

Throughout dinner we were entertained by a Belarusian lounge singer with his computerized instrumental accompaniment. He sang Christopher Cross, Sting, the Eagles, George Michael in addition to his own compositions in his native language.

 "Welcome to the Hotel California..."

Of course, after all that vodka and champagne, he began to sound passable. Linda, Diane and other imbibers had their arms in the air swaying side-to-side to the music and holding up imaginary lighters (thumbs). Unfortunately, this entertainer now believes he is ready for Vegas. We hope we charge him at least $162 for a visa to the U.S.

Now a subject all it’s own…the hotel. Rated #1 in this city, population 350,000, it is something out of a Stephen King movie. We decided it may have been an insane asylum in its previous life and a psycho patient chose the décor. The unlit hallways were like those in “The Shining” (“Heeeeeeeere’s Johnny”) On each floor, double doors separated each wing like hospital wards (weird/slightly crazy/seriously insane/total bonkers). 

Guest rooms, accessed by a single metal key on a keychain, were decorated in at minimum 7 shades of green:  forest green striped wallpaper, olive green bedspreads, army green carpet, multi-green floral sheets, lime green print draperies, emerald green scrub-brush bath towels.

Unplugged lamp on nightstand with no electrical outlet. Nonworking (no outlet?) mini-refrigerator with door ajar.  A glass-doored cupboard complete with dishware and glassware but no coffeemaker in the room. Two kid-low twin beds. Sheets as hard as canvas tarps. Dingy down pillows (smelled according to one guest) and no doubt crawling with dust mites and their droppings. Linda and Jerry wrapped their pillows in plastic bags and covered them with towels. Linda slept in full pjs, a hoodie, and socks. A security call button above one bed. One guest’s window fell off when opened. Plastic accordion dryer exhaust venting used on the toilet. Light switches operated the wrong lights. A plastic 50’s television set. Freaky.

“It’s only for one night, it’s only for one night, it’s only for one night…..”

Shrunken bed

"I've fallen and I can't get up...!"

On checkout the next morning, one guest was questioned on a missing towel. “Uh, you mean this lovely green scrubber pad?” Are you freaking serious? Unbelievable!

We wondered, did this Bates Motel have anything to do with the fallout from the Chernobyl nuclear disaster in 1986?  70% of the contamination from that accident landed in Belarus. Are we in the Twilight Zone?

 We're scared

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This note left in our bathroom either says "This toilet was cleaned by Oxlana" or it's a 'phone home' message from outer space.